Meanderthal Men & Brain Toupee Women

Ancient personas revivify
recoup and rejoin the petrol world,
they never said goodby

Slowly their medicine wheels turn round
and round
while Kuiper stones in faulty orbits spin.
Wheels within wheels, an Ahab God harpoons
Mobius Dick
entwined into the labyrinthine depths, down they disappear to zero

Heedless of the energy of time,
safely diverted
outside the minds of sentient,
and less sentient beings
their ways and means belie
inscrutable ego panoply shiny with new.

Waxing and waning still beyond the reach
the depths of ordinary deeds
like sanity to believe - one to the other, brother and sister, father and mother.
Peace of mind hopefully to recover all
the loves and lost labors, one to another.

Meanderthal men and brain toupee women
dance within the inner circle.
What unites you, what divides you?
Brownian you came - brownian you remain. Still choosing your ways and means.

The personas firmly in place
yet allowances are made
free passage through the eye.
To wander in the dark blue labyrinth of time,
for all, you and I.

9-25-05 Wisdom from artquotes

The public history of modern art is the story of conventional people not knowing what they are dealing with.
     Robert Motherwell

There were only five galleries in those days, and the artists really depended on each other socially, psychologically, and even critically. It’s impossible now. Business sure screwed up the art world universally.
     Robert Rauschenberg

No Stone Unturned

acrylic paint on wood
18 x 36 inches
2004

Terrell Art Studio - My Art Website

Haven't I Heard That Already?

Being a restless lad since the McCarthy era I have looked hither 'n yon for answers. Answers answers answers. Who what where. And why did I begin in the McCarthy era? Those times have faded for many - since they died. And many don't remember them. They are really more of a timestamp for me.

One could say I became conscious somewhere around that time. I just sort of "noticed" I was. Before the Age of Pinkos, I have no clue. Who's on first? Did the godless Commies bring me to life in their evil laboratories? Perhaps. Maybe I was mysteriously reincarnated here, for the 500,000th lifetime. That used to comfort me in some sort of strangely denial-ridden fashion.

A plethora (well, semi-plethora) of attempts at this 'n that philosophy, religious belief system, American way, and on and on...mixed with a dash of school of knocks has twirled the consciousness this way and that. Buffeted against the rocks of uncertainty, I find myself again at that place, which I write about again. The labyrinth. It's a good place to hit that old Existential Pause button and reflect.

I read an email post by a certain Buddhist Lama yesterday. It really was that post that pushed my dependable old Existential Pause button. Where would I be widdout it? The post was mostly about...well, I kinda fergit. Do you like the West Texas accent, my reader friends? I can drop into it in a second. Jus watch me doit toit.

Anway, I'm really just stalling, because...sometimes, the Existential Pauses linger with me. Don't want set the "machine" back on "play" again. After that Pause, I'm often left in a place of "no-mind" And sometimes that no-mind place doesn't feel like any sort of Buddhist kind of Nibbanic "thing" but really more of a categorically empty place. Doesn't last, and I always pick up and go. Often the pieces seem to have lost total meaning for a while as well.

So, it's time to end the stalling and get on with this. Lama Who's on First is just talking about how it's good to have confidence in Buddha Nature. I'm simplifying here. Makes the journey more joyful, etc.

As soon as I read that post, I immediately "saw" how what the Lama said was really rather similar to what I grew up with in the Methodist church, "Trust in the Lord." I'm not necessarily saying that these two are really the same things, but what I'm saying is that they are really the same things.

Might as well make a sort-of koan about it. Why not? I feel the Pause, the Existential Pause hitting me. I get them from time to time. Had one when I read that email. My interpretation might have been more "unfavorable" than many readers. Some would interpret that as showing the unity beneath.

I however, interpret it more as, more of...the same. I've heard my total science relative say to "trust the laws of Physics" and that didn't quite hit me with such a large EP (existential pause in case you haven't been paying attention! HAHAHA). Still, the "trust in" anything, seems to be a big issue.

Underlying this visible world is a more better flow. It's the Tao. It's Buddha Nature. It's God's Will. It's the laws of Physics. It's Allah's Will. It's the Great Oz.

It all sounds really good. It all sounds really the same. It all must flow from the same source of truth. Don't you think?

"Who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Sponge Bob Square Pants!"

Grains of Sand and the Existential Pause

It happened a couple of years ago, actually. I happened to be minding my own business, working feverishly on my website. When I say my website, I am refering to my current website, several incarnations previous to the present. There have been several re-designs, all designed to lure the unsuspecting art lover (read buyer) to the fertile art purchasing shores. Need I wax more honest?

Relevant content, an oxymoronic term bandied about on the e-waves is certainly a goal to shoot for, and I, like many webmasters, have shot it fulla holes myself on occasion. The occasion you may ask, dear reader? Already hit that with a glancing blow. Relevant content is what the searchbots, and therefore, search engines, and those who search (you hopefully) are searching to find.

I dreamed of Robert Terrell art sales...one or five a month. My brain began the math. The internet is viewed by so many per month, and if I can get so many "hits" and one hit out of a thousand is interested and out of each interested...perhaps the math is starting to paint a picture of how I leave my day job like Houstonians fleeing Hurricane Rita (but faster than 2 mph!).

So now you have more background than any sane person with a scroller mouse would ever read, unless they are, perhaps, recuperating from a workman's comp issue. Or may-hap my story continues to entertain the e-travelers...

So I continue to part two...where I started...

I was busy with my web designing work...plotting my attack on the e-world of art, when I began to notice certain websites. I was in the process of hunting certain types of websites to link to. Reciprocal sites. I link to them, they link to me. We all form a web of relevant websites (there is that important word again) and our Google pagerank rises. This brings more traffic, and of course more fame and fortune. It's a good theory, especially if you are owning and running the biggest search engine in the known universe.

The sites I was finding were not what I was looking for. One in particular stood out. It's named Top 100 Gallery Sites in Russia. I will never forget that website. I logged on and poked around a bit. As I viewed the various artists, a new understanding of the world began to dawn in my little artist pea brain...It was not pleasant, and my brain hit the Existential Pause button.

An Existential Pause is that moment when something in your brain stops dead in its tracks...usually just for a moment...because you have just realized that your world-view has collapsed like a deck of cards. The old paradigm had changed for good (or less-good). This was happening to me while viewing the Russian website, as my brain did its moebius-math flip...not a pretty sight if I had eyes.

I began an internal dialogue...If there is this site in Russia, there are probably who knows how more. This site has several Russian galleries on it, and each one has approximately 35 or so artists on it. And I know that many artists don't have websites. And many artists don't show their work. Many artists are dead.

This new paradigm was just getting started. I didn't get to enjoy the Existential Pause for too long, I'm sorry to say. In no time at all, the math began spreading worldwide. "I am sure that there are such websites like this in China, and artists that don't have websites, etc. And the same in India, and Japan, Korea, Australia, and so on and so forth."

Well, to make a rather long story shorter, which I shouldn't, it hit me like a tsunami surge that I am merely a grain of sand in the world community of artists. Art talent is not unique, rare nor particularly special. There are MILLIONS of artists worldwide.

For a while, this was quite depressing to me. I began to doubt myself as an artist, and wondered why I should bother to paint. But of course, I am an artist because I am an artist. This explains nothing...but to artists it explains everything.

With so many artists in the world, some known, but most working in semi or total obscurity, who really makes the rules of art history? How many Picasso-types have existed and worked in obscurity only to fade away? I am sure that many art critics and historians would take certain issue with these questions. I only know that surfing long hours on the internet will definitely bring one to a new understanding of the enormity of the art world.

Monarchs to Be

It's noontime and I'm filling the water dish for the outdoor tribe, aka the Pearley Crew, aka my five cats, and I happen to notice that on the overgrown fennel plant...there they are! Green, white and black caterpillars attempting to feed on the spindly shoots available. I've been shirking my fennel watering duties all summer, and now I regret my indecision.

No ordinary caterpillars, these. Years ago, I was a mere five minutes from ending the lives of earlier multi-hued "pests" save for a phone call from my bug-aware friend which gave them a stay of execution. And, it gave me a much needed reminder that all caterpillars are not alike.

A quick check showed about fifteen on the plant this year. I gave my fennel a good watering, in hopes some miracle growth will occur for my caterpillar friends. They will become Monarch butterflies in time, and though I will likely never see any of them, I particularly enjoy knowing that I helped keep their species flying in some small way.

Perhaps this post may be only for me. It was a small moment in a mostly ordinary day. But any instances of connection to the natural world help give my existence meaning. Often I feel rather unimportant in the workings of the universe. Just feeding my cats, putting seed in the bird feeder, and watering the caterpillar feeding bush, connect me to the natural world. And even these small connections feel real, and convey real heart-connected meaning for me. Such connections feed my inner self in ways that the material ownership world does not.

So I'm reminding myself to continue taking care of my little nature "world." It nurtures a few creatures who can use a little help. I'm one of them.

Rising Fortunes

Barely a week ago (49 dog-days, in case Lassie is reading - good girl!) I pulled down the Google bar that lives among the soon-to-be plethora of toolbars at the top of my browser...

and, to my most excellent surprise, my homepage has taken a giant leap to Google pagerank 4. My little heart skipped a beat - after all the long days and nights of apparently fruitless homegrown search engine optimization - I mysteriously made the leap up one level. The meaning? More traffic to my website. More status and importance.

How this happened I was none too sure, but my mind began to spin reasons. Blah blah blah went the little brain engine that could. Six months before, I said, "To the anti-Disneyland with this!" I took a much needed break from the tedious work of feeding my lovely beast and obsessed about meaning in the non-virtual world.

But, the little green gas gauge on the Google toolbar was now showing a bit more gas in the tank of importance, so I felt new energy of desire...a renewed will to continue on. The web design 'n optimize carrot was again dangling in front of me.

Now...the holy grail of level 5 beckoned...and still beckons. The e-sirens are calling to me...come! Add more links, add more content. Expand your website, add more...more...more...it's worth it...you will rise in the rankings...you will get more "hits."

That means...more web surfers who are hunting for your keywords will find you. They will find you. Yes, YOU!

The website world is another dimension labyrinth calling to me; telling me to commit more profoundly, come deeper into the maze, become more involved. Be more of a player. Don't struggle. It's worth the time and effort. The rewards are great.

Always the same arguments appear. Come on in. You will enjoy yourself. It's worth the ride. The "process." The game. The ride is the thing. The end is the thing. You can't drop out. It's the only game in town. You will go to hell if you don't play. Quit fighting this. To surrender is the way.

Do I read too much into a simple website rating I just received from Google, Mother of All Search Engines? I take a tiny, rather meaningless thing like a website, and apparently generalize it too far, perhaps.

But I tend to hear the same things, the same arguments, about most everything. Or, rather than using that ridiculous over generalization I could say, "Nothing new under the sun." Just do it, just go with it. Do your job. Don't drop out. Drop out. The democrats are the way to go. The republicans are the way to go. It's random and came about by chance. It's designed by the Hand of God. It's this...It's that...It's neither...It's both...If a tree falls in the forest, it makes me tired of hearing this.

The Labyrinth keeps talking to me, through my ears (I think) I hear so many things, from so many sources. Through my eyes, (they say) I see so many things. I interpret them through my brain (I believe). I've been told it works like this.

But I am thinking, that the mental things are not the "out there" things. And the science religion says that the things aren't really things. They are whirling and twirling "something" or other. Spinning and whirling and twirling...I should have emailed Fred Astaire before he died and went to the Emerald City. Or am I getting it all mixed up? Did he go to the North Pole?

No, wait, that's where Superman lives...uhhh Santa lives there, too, with Fred Astaire. When we die, if we're good, Santa gives us a ride in his sleigh to uhhhh Epcot Center? There's something about a lump of coal, Donner Pass, Blitzen, uhhh, hmmm...oh yeah...

God...Golden Streets, Right Hand, Federation of Planets, It's getting clear to me now...all the public education, TV, Google searching for those values in life that really connect to something well, of value. The list of the things of "value" will now commence...

1. compassion is better than anger

Never said it was a long list!

Some of my earliest artworks were mazes. I drew one after the other. I didn't even bother to see if they worked or not. Just drew them on notebook paper. Were they artworks? I didn't really call them such. I just filled page after page.

Just amazing. What was I talking about at the beginning of this post? I used the Google toolbar on the abstract art websites that are at the top of the heap. (That changed the whirling and twirling in my head. Didn't stop it, just changed it.) They moved up from pagerank 4 to 5! (Not all did, I later found out)

So Mother Google decided to move the big abstract art web up a notch, I guess. And I looked at a friend's site, too (art but not abstract art). He also moved up to pagerank 4. He hasn't done too much work on his site, yet he still moved up to 4. So what was all my hard work about?

I created a much nicer website with far better content, but as far as the overall web structure? It's as if Google took most of the overall art website web chunk network and put bigger numbers on it.

Remember the film mock-rockumentary, This Was Spinal Tap?

"My website goes up to a 4!" HAHAHAHAHA

Amazing. Confounding. Labyrinth. If I had done no work on my website, would I have moved up to a 4? I doubt it, in spite of my deep ruminations.

"p.s." I have added this later, March 28, 2008. My site has since fallen in the eyes of Google. It was a while back. But before they stopped the pagerank thing (I think they did) I fell back to a pagerank 3. Well, I thought my days were numbered! hahahaha But I still seem to be holding on, somehow.

9-06-05 Wisdom from artquotes

All art intuitively apprehends coming changes in the collective unconsciousness.
Carl Jung

Art doesn't go to sleep in the bed made for it. It would sooner run away than say its own name: what it likes is to be incognito. Its best moments are when it forgets what its own name is.
Jean Dubuffet

Labyrinthine Dreams

Something is orbiting Magna Mater. Darkness informs, yet without the often attendant dread of unconscious bedevilment. A ground level guidance system operates intuitively; simultaneously from orbit the descent commences.

Curiously it falls quickly, as if from directly overhead - and straight down through the silent blackness the unknown plunges through a mind field. All the parts, orbit, guidance, movement down, occur quickly in the Labyrinth.

No more than 5 meters north-west it hits, burying itself completely in the dirt. Not a sound is made as the impact becomes real. Not a smell, not a flash, not a vibration to signal the arrival. The deep darkness betrays no sign of any recent occurrence. Still, the presence of the change is understood, and its location precisely known.

Taking a shovel, the first movement into the ground makes contact with the object - it's metal and rather large. In the strange space without time (yet taking several minutes) what has come to Earth is revealed. It is a 5 foot, golden sword of exquisite countenance. Who among the Labyrinth dwellers would doubt that it is a manifestation of Excalibur - a rebirth of the sword of Arthur in the Third Millenium?

The sword of Arthur has not remanifested to bring political, social, or moral justice. The sword in the stone returns as a destroyer of Labyrinthine dreams. Whether the sword remains pure dream-stuff or morphs into matter-energy remains to be seen.

All Artists are Equal, but Some Artists are More Equal Than Others

The focus on Wrecktangles Blog is art-related in a very open sense. I'm not the blog police here. I do think that some artists are more important than others and should be heard, while the other artists should only be seen (in museums!) Being a staffer (safety coordinator / lighting tech) at a third tier University School of Art, I have great stature, and people pause as I pass by in the halls of acadamia.